Stop throwing away your money | Unhealthy Generosity

Image from christiandiary4u.blogspot.com 

Being generous means being willing to give money, kindness, etc, especially more than is usually expected (Cambridge dictionary)

The difference between healthy and unhealthy generosity is the reason WHY we are being generous, or the reason why we give.

"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

Matthew 6:3-4

Jesus encourages us to give in secret so that God can reward us, because when we do our acts of kindness for any other reason, we have already gotten that reward, so God can't add us another heavenly reward.

For example, we might be giving: to be applauded, to get a better view of oneself, to appear wealthy, to appear better than others or to be seen, whatever the reason is; we don't get a reward from God because we have already gotten that reward of being seen or applauded.

The tricky part is that these reasons as to why we might be giving in an unhealthy way are not usually easily recognizable, they are  buried so deeply inside us that sometimes we might not even know we have them unless God reveals it to us. And I pray He chooses to use this article to do so.

Unhealthy generosity is like a beautiful white blanket covering a muddy floor, unless we are intentional, we won't be able to dig the dirt out.

Since these reasons are so hidden in us, I suggest the following list of checkpoints to help us recognize unhealthy generosity when it shows up in us:

1. I can only be generous with money.
Healthy generosity has nothing to do with money. Generosity is not an act, it's a character; generous people are those that help kids cross the road, help a stranger pick up things on the flow, help a stranger who is carrying a lot of luggage get into the taxi, they share what they know.

Generous people are not waiting to get money so that they can be generous, they are busy helping everyone who needs the help that they are able to give: their time, wisdom, energy, smile, among others.

Thanks to thebiganswer.info

2. It would be hard for me to give anonymously.

"Hi, am giving this Shs 1,000,000 anonymously!" a friend might say. 

Are you letting me know because am your best friend, or because you have somehow, unconsciously attached your worth to your giving, that you need to at least let one person know about it? In this day of social media, it's very hard for us to give anonymously.

Let's try to exercise this habit of not letting our left hand know when our right hand gives a little bit more as Jesus suggests in Mathew 6:3.

(Just to clear the air here, "giving anonymously" simply means that I can give to any cause without necessarily letting anyone know that it's me who has done the giving.)

3. Borrow to give. 

Yes, you are genuinely a nice person, you feel for others and really want to help out, but you currently don't have the means to. 

Yes, they may have a financial problem but maybe God doesn't want you to help out financially, maybe He needs you to help out with fervent prayer, with a job recommendation, scholarship information, you name it. 

If you don't have the money to help, think about the other ways you can help, they might be way better than a one-off financial help.

4. Distancing yourself from others when you are not financially doing well.

I had a school friend called Miracle. Many of us indeed agreed she was a Miracle because when she showed up in your life, she made your life sweeter with her amazing company, but more so with her helpful hand. Giving random gifts, you're thinking about doing your laundry only to find your clothes well ironed and folded, you're thinking about going to get breakfast and it's already at your desk, you are very late for an event, and guess what, Miracle booked you a seat!

I once commented about how very many people loved her, and this 14-year old girl's response was, "No, they don't really love me, they love what I do for them..."

This is very sad, but many people under their blanket of generosity actually feel like my friend, Miracle. We distance ourselves when we are broke because we unconsciously believe that people love us because of what we give to them. So if we can't give them, we better withdraw, which is a terrible lie from the devil.

5. Find it hard to receive generosity. 

It is such a privilege when you get a chance to give back to someone who has been so generous to you before, but it turns out to be sad when they try to do everything to reject your offer to help out.

Generosity here might be covering up a hidden mindset that when you are given, you are less-than, therefore you unconsciously give to appear better than others.

I can't tell you the joy I feel every time I get to give my ka tithe to God, by no means does my giving imply that he is broke, less-than, or needs help. 

Sometimes people give to us because they love and treasure us and that's the only way they can think of to express that. 

Illustration borrowed from radiobiafra.co

 6. Feel obligated to give.

 What you are feeling might be right, if you give     because you feel obligated, then that's not generosity,   it's obligation.

 As most politicians are giving, especially giving at a   time when we're towards elections, I am so sorry to   say that we might not term that as generosity, it is   their obligation given by their campaign managers. 

 The point is, if you remove that obligation, do you   actually still want to give? 

 7. Giving at the expense of others. 

 I have heard of parents giving at the expense of their   families: fathers paying school fees for friend's   children and not their own, mothers donating food to   others while their own children starve, believers   giving generously in church yet their families lack basic needs.

Why hurt one to give to another, unless that blanket of generosity is covering up a people-pleasing challenge or weakness?

No, am not sharing about this issue to make fun of the fact that we ain't healthy in our giving, but to make us aware of it so that we can give with all our hearts, and also have better results when we give.

As we shared in last week's article it's good to know our weaknesses so that we can get better, rather than not knowing them and remain stagnant in growth.

Yet another amazing Wednesday.

I feel like wishing us all a merry Christmas as we come closer to the festive days.

But I guess I'll just say happy Wednesday until we get to November.

May God bless you.