Chosen, dealing with self-doubt.

Have you ever been asked to do something that you are sure is out of your expertise, or your natural ability? 

I remember passing through a period of serious self-doubt a few years ago. Seriously, I know my potential, I know how gifted I can be sometimes. However, I also know a million more of my struggles and weaknesses so well that when God asked me to serve Him, I struggled giving Him a "let your will be done in me" kind of response.

But just like mumbling Moses, cowardly Gideon and remorseful Simon Peter saying (respectively) in excuse after God choosing them, "I am not good at speech", "I am the very least in my family", and "I am such a sinner", I also joined in:
"I can't do this, Lord, you know how I struggle doing this right and doing the other; you know how fun-loving I can be. God, I am not comfortable talking to people one on one, why didn't you ask so-and-so to do this? I really don't have a problem following their leadership; seriously, God, they've got this thing, they are better than I am; more so, I have zero experience and zero knowledge about what you are telling me to do. What do I even know in this field? I am just going to disturb you, Lord!"
On and on I continued each and every day for about over six months.

If by now you can consciously relate to this, please slap yourself and respect God some more!

I personally remember asking myself, "Lwaki Katonda tomubala'mu magazi?" (translated as: "Why are you undermining God?)

If He chose you, saw you suitable, then you ought to trust Him, knowing that He knows exactly what He is doing by choosing you, both for the present and the future.

When God trusts us with given roles and we start telling Him why we can't, it seems to me as if we are saying, "God, you don't know what you are doing, you are making a mistake, you don't know how to make the best choices", which things are directly the opposite of who God is.

Your self doubt might be insulting to God, because He is perfect in all of His ways including choosing you. Therefore, He is not making a mistake: He is all-knowing, He is the Alpha and the Omega, He sees the end from the beginning, so to Him you are just the right choice for the particular role He chooses you for, at a  specific point in time. He makes no mistake, and choosing you will not be the first mistake He'll make.

He knows you fail sometimes, He knows you will fail many more times in your future, He knows all your weaknesses but He also acknowledges your victories, your wins, your compassion. And perhaps your weaknesses are what make you an even better candidate to do exactly what he needs you to do. Knowing your imperfections could be what will make you a more humble, more compassionate and more empathetic leader.

Not to forget, whatever He does not like in you, he will surely uproot. Look how far you have come, for example; God has done an amazing work in transforming you for the better and He is continuing to do just that.

The good side of self-doubt

When you fully know you are unable and unqualified, you then rely on God in every step of the way. This worked out so well for King Solomon:

            "Now, LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But                     I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties." (1 Kings 3:7)

In his self-doubt, as he calls himself a child, Solomon fully acknowledges the God who made him King, and therefore asks that same God to help him carry out his duties deservedly:

         "So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between                    right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?" (1 Kings 3:9)

Then God gifted King Solomon the wisdom we all know him for.

The other side of self-doubt

As opposed to telling God what we cannot do, how about we try and approach Him with some boldness, just like Jacob, Paul and Mary (the mother of Jesus)?

Apostle Paul didn't feel worthy of the call, he had persecuted Christians; he would have drowned in self-doubt if he wanted to but he took on the call upon his life, not trusting himself but trusting the God in him.

Even after tricking his brother and going his way, Jacob was not ashamed to ask of the Lord. In fact,  he was so bold that he said, "I am not letting you go unless you bless me." (Genesis 32:26). How about us whom God has called, and it's like we're the ones pushing Him away?

It did not make sense at all to Mary that she would become pregnant without a man, but she respected God and simply said, "Let it be unto me..." (luke 1:38).

Always remember:

- It doesn't matter what comes naturally to you or not, if it is required of you, you will do it as Christ enables you to. He not only walks on water, He also makes those that look to Him walk on the water too.

- You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13).

- For in Him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge (1 Corinthians 1:5).

            "When they saw the courage of Peter and John, and realized that they were unschooled,                        ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with                            Jesus." (Acts4:13).

God's response to self-doubt

           "The LORD turned to him and said, 'Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of                         Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?'" (Judges 6:14)

He is not asking you to first get a degree in the particular field He's calling you into, He simply tells you to go.

          "Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob, little Israel, do not fear, for I myself will help you,"                        declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel." (Isaiah 41:14)

As God calls and chooses each of us, let us step out to do all that we need to do, especially that which doesn't flow naturally to us, and aim to excel at it. It might appear to other people as though we are natural pros, yet for us we very well know who it is that sent us and what He can do through us.

Amen.

It's always a privilege sharing with you, and gets even better when I read the feedback in the comments section.
Cheers!